November 19 Thought for the day...hate, and love confrontation.

No one likes confrontation. As a Pastor, I have to almost be a pro at it because every day I have to confront someone about their sin. I don't like having to do it, and the results are not always pleasant (people rarely think they are wrong even if the Bible says they are). However, confrontation done correctly is an extremely loving thing to do.

If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, Luke 17:3 (Jesus' words)

If someone sins against us many times, it will sit and eat at us until we deal with it. We can sit and stew on it for hours, days, weeks, and even years. Why waste that time when Jesus plainly tells us what to do. The word translated "sins" here means to cross the line, violate a rule, cause a grievance. If someone has done this, we aren't to stew over it where nothing gets accomplished except our living and pain and the relationship falling apart we are to "rebuke" them!

Rebuke doesn't mean what most people think it means. It means to speak to someone honestly, frankly, and politely as you tell them how you believe they have wronged you. Honesty is critical, it is a key to intimacy in any relationships and is a reflection of our being able to be "one" with each other as Jesus prayed in John 17. It is critical to our impacting the world that we be an honest people.

When confronting follow this plan...

1) Pray - make sure you have indeed been wronged, and it is not the Holy Spirit trying to bring correction in your life. If it is an offense pray the Lord gives you the right attitude to confront. Pray for the person who offended you, they are not your enemy, the enemy is the enemy. The Holy Spirit may give you a strategy to reach out to your brother and sister that will ease the tension.

2) A judgmental attitude does not reflect Christ. - We have all made mistakes and when getting ready to confront, remember you have made mistakes too! Please begin with the assumption that the person did not mean to offend you. You don't know the reason the person offended you, and as you move in grace and love, you can be assured that when you need it, you will receive grace and love. Remember you are going to want to keep a relationship with them after you handle the offense.

3) Remember how you felt in the past - when you were told you offended someone, you felt bad, perhaps even sad when you heard you had hurt someone. You want the person who offended you to tell you the truth so coming off strong, self-righteous, or accusatory they will be most likely to become offended rather than being won as your brother or sister.

If after reviewing these three steps you still want to confront, when you do forgive. You have been in the presence of the Lord in prayer, His love, joy, and peace have been with you. Your heart should be in the right mode to talk with your brother or sister. You have been forgiven many times by the Lord and others. Remember it is being like Jesus to forgive. Forgive means to release, set free, to liberate completely, to let it go!

Our faith is all about relationship, relationship with God, each other, and the world. The world is looking for examples of Christ-likeness in people who claim to follow him. Working out of offenses in love shows our love of Christ to everyone. I know it is uncomfortable, but the alternative is years of anguish, hurt, and division. Gently confront so you may save your relationships and grow to be who God has called you to be! You can grow to love it if you see how many relationships you save!