Monday, October 17, 2011

Keys to a happy marriage part 2

Here is part 2 of a very basic approach to having a happy marriage. It may seem simplistic but I have found these simply steps are the ones that most people find is at the root of the marriage trouble. If you can follow all six steps you will see an amazing difference in your marriage.


52% of Christian marriages end in divorce, slightly higher than the unchurched. The solution is to simply have a happy marriage. After 50 years you should still get a smile on your face when you think of your spouse. I know, you’re thinking you’ve got to be kidding. After nearly 22 years, I still get a smile when I think about Paige. We have had some rough roads but “God is faithful!” In this edition, part 2 of “Don’t be a statistic” allow me to share a few words of advice about having and maintaining a happy marriage.

In the first blog I mentioned the first three keys to a happy marriage; 1) Pray together, 2) Enable your spouse to be the best they can be, and 3) Be each others best friend. I want to give you three more keys to a happy marriage

4) Fight Fair! I would have liked to not include this but, we are human. If you have any two people in a room you probably will have three opinions present. Until we are all dead to our own flesh, we will always be selfish, misunderstood, stressed, prideful, or just simply poor communicators, so we will argue. The Bible says, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual {forces} of wickedness in the heavenly {places.} Ephesians 6:12. Often, we set our focus to fighting and disrespecting our spouse rather than solving the problem. Words said quickly, never can be taken back and establish long lasting wounds. The enemy has done a great job destroying marriages. Fight fair by realizing why you are arguing; you have a disagreement and you need to find a solution. Our flesh wants to win, our spirit cries out for a solution. We are called to love and respect each other. There will be disagreements, work toward solutions.

5) Forgive. Because we have failed with the first four points, we often carry around baggage from past relationships and present ones. Jesus said “Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who sin against you; but if you refuse to forgive them, He will not forgive you,” Matthew 6:14 Jesus doesn’t say only if you’re right forgive or you don’t have to if you were hurt unjustly. Forgiveness is not just an action, it is a choice; sometimes it is moment by moment, sometimes daily. We need to keep forgiving until we feel we have forgiven. We are also told not to let the sun go down on our anger, the implication being, everyday we should strive to start new fresh and free. Unforgiveness is a spiritual slavery that holds those in it’s clutches unwitting accomplices to their own misery. Freedom comes by choosing forgiveness. We are never more like Jesus than when we forgive. If Jesus could forgive those who hated him, how much more should we be willing to forgive those who love us?

6) Priorities – In Luke 10 Jesus is visiting friends and explains to Martha that Mary has chosen the best thing by sitting at His feet. Priority 1 - must be being with Him. If we are with Him we know what He is doing, we aren’t concerned about what others are doing. When we are with Him, He can whisper and we hear His voice. Priority 2 - our spouses; between Ephesians 5, 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 Paul explains the holiness and priority that a marriage must have and that our spouses, next to the Holy Spirit, can be our greatest asset and next to Satan, can become our greatest detriment. Peter writes that even our prayers are hindered if our relationship is not right. Priority 3 - Psalm 127:3 says that children are a gift from God. 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 tell us that our children are our first disciples; thus a major priority. Priority 4 - what you do for God. If we secure our relationship with the Lord, our spouse, and our children then the enemy has no room to attack, our foundation is secure and what we do for the Lord can proceed uninhibited.

If you are able to follow these 6 points, your marriage will get better. If you are not married you can apply most of these principles to all of your relationships. If you are planning on getting married they will help you find the right spouse. Either way, you will be happier and more fulfilled. Marriage is to be a team project, The Lord, you and your spouse. With that team you will not become a statistic but a joy.

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