I dealt with the basics of the faith in the last few blogs. I thought I would deal with the basics of having a great marriage. Today and in the next blog I will give you 6 quick steps to having a happy marriage and not becoming one of the horrible statistics of divorce.
Don’t be a statistic!
52% of Christian marriages end in divorce, slightly higher than the unchurched. If you quickly leave the church your chances of divorce decrease by 1%. Although I don’t think that is the solution to the divorce problem. The solution is to simply have a happy marriage. After 50 years you should still get a smile on your face when you think of your spouse. I know, your thinking you’ve got to be kidding. After nearly 28 years, I still get a smile when I think about Paige. We have had some rough roads but “God is faithful!” Allow me to share a few words of advice about having and maintaining a happy marriage.
1) Pray together! George Barna of the Barna Research group found that couples that pray together have a greater than 90% chance of staying together for life. Some of our driest times as a couple have been when due to busyness or tiredness Paige and I have neglected to pray together. We have found in addition to the spiritual blessing from praying together some practical blessing come as well. Sometimes I am not the greatest communicator in the world, after all I am male. When we pray together I hear Paige’s heart and she hears mine and we are able to keep up on what is really important in our lives. We also know that with all the things happening in the world there is at least one person praying for us. It is also very hard to stay upset with someone you are praying for (not that Paige or I would know anything about that).
2) Make your goal to enable your spouse to be the best that they can be. In “The Message” Ephesians 5 says this “Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her.” This is Christ example to the church of how a husband should treat his wife. It is both a blessing to you and your spouse if everyday your focus is, “How can I bless my spouse today to help them be who God has called them to be?” Hurtful words wounding actions all get set aside if that’s your goal. Find out what your spouses gifts and goals are and help make them happen.
3) Be each others best friend! Ephesians 5 also says the husband and wife are one. What this has meant to me is that nothing should be in between the two. I have seen many marriage disasters due to friends, children, or parents coming between and dividing what should be one. You parents will pass away, your children will grow up and move away, and any friend that is more important to you than your spouse is trouble. We are to prefer one another and that should be especially true of our spouses. If you want respect give respect, if you want to feel safe in your marriage then make your marriage a safe place for your spouse. If you do steps 1 and 2 step three will be easy.
Having a happy marriage isn’t about stuff, beauty or perfection it’s about love and these three steps say “I love you” louder than words. There are a few more steps I would recommend but those are for another time. I give you my personal guarantee if you do these three steps your marriage will be on the road to that smile every time you think of your spouse even after 50 years.
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